Today’s Earthly rotation began with a violent cessation of our circadian rhythm at the 7th hour ante meridiem. Seriously…we ain’t built for 8 AMs, let alone this. Not to mention, we were still experiencing the undulating effects of time zone fluctuations that will derail our sleep for months to come (for further explanation, consult the publication “Jet Lag” by renowned composer and trap lord A$AP Ferg).

This anguish was soon curtailed by the scrumptious delights of Hotel Annabella. We discovered a peculiar button on the juice machine labeled Energy Juice, and our curiosity was piqued…majorly. Naturally, we sipped. We were then eponymously Juiced with Energy.

Checking out from the hotel was akin to Theseus escaping the labyrinth of Daedalus. In other words, we had quite a time locating our strewn belongings. Our yarn was the Energy Juice (you’re not getting any more clarification on this one). After slaying the Minotaur (a.k.a. packing), we set out for our tour of the Uffizi gallery.

During our journey, our ears were cajoled by the witty quips of Giovanni. In other words, man got mad jokes. The Uffizi gallery was filled with wondrous sights. Never have we seen so many marble statues, let alone in one place. We’re talking somewhere between 1 and 1,000 (with a confidence interval of like 99.7%ish I think…probably).

One thing we found particularly interesting was the transformation of artistic style from the Middle Ages to the late Renaissance. For example, Medieval art was saturated with gold paint, often accentuating the holy grandeur of biblical figures rather than appreciating aesthetic value for its own sake. Even the human figures in medieval art were often darker and more subdued than their gold backgrounds. A significant shift can be observed in the explosions of contrast (chiaroscuro), the increasingly supple color of flesh, and emerging artistic techniques, not least of all being the development of 3-D perspective.

However, Renaissance paintings were not all fun and games. Tragic occurrences in the lives of the artists such as plagues, aging, or moving to Venice, led to darker undertones in their art. Grotesque paintings and portrayals of pain were almost as frequent as renders of beauty and perfection.

After our tour, we consumed a great deal of food at the Mercato Centrale (precisely how much you ask? A great deal). Our time was limited, so we booked it to the train station (but not before a critical sampling of Italian McDonalds). We hopped on the train and marveled at the consequences of the industrial revolution on the human race (which have been a disaster, by the way). An anonymous member of the group pontificated upon the labor required to cut through the picturesque Tuscan landscape for the sake of getting from Point A to Point B (or point C or D). We found it interesting how the works of Trotsky could be applied to this phenomenon.

Our Spotify group session led us down an equally introspective path. Not only did we marvel at the use of repetition in Daft Punk lyrics such as “around the world,” repeated 144 times, but also at the use of situational irony in postmodern hip hop (most notably in the Soundcloud counterculture).

After this cathartic train ride, we arrived in Castiglion Fiorentino. We were immediately engulfed in the catharsis of this quaint town. Not only were the hills reminiscent of the rich past of Etruscan culture, but they instilled a sense of cathartic catharsis in our souls. With a few hours to spare, we ordered gelato and catharted our way up 17° inclines until we reached optimal views4dayz altitude.

To conclude the night, we had a lively dinner at the hotel where our cohort knitted an even tighter bond. Despite the weariness of our corporeal forms, we found strength in our camaraderie and vibed…majorly. At the conclusion of the aforementioned lively dinner, we sat down and began to create this absolute abomination. We hope you have enjoyed the aforementioned absolute abomination, and we look forward to the future happenings of our Italian Odyssey.

Alec, Max, and Jake, detto Dominic DiCoco, Enzo Gorlami, e Antonio Margaretti (obligatory Tarantino reference).

Arriverderci!